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Friday, 14 August 2015

Editorial: The 6 Worst Digimon.

The 6 Worst Digimon.

So, a little under a week ago, we talked about the top six Digimon, which was mostly done by 'whether they looked pretty'. It was only natural, therefore, that we look at the six worst Digimon, the ones which fell off the back of the proverbial design truck. Once again, these are limited to Digimon with human partners or major villains. 

Also, most of them are from Xros Wars. Frankly, they could have all been from Xros Wars.

6. Cho-Hakkaimon.

I actually have no idea to start. Do I start with the fact that this is basically just a young woman in a pig costume? Do I start with the fact that it evolves from a possum of all things, standing out even amongst the nonsensical evolution lines of Xros Wars (but no, seriously, why does a small vampire evolve into a kendo student?)? Do I start with the fact that the pig costume appears to actually be a BDSM harness, thus giving everything a creepy overtone?

Apparently she's meant to be based on Zhu Bajie from Journey to the West, a half-pig half-man monster who assists the monk Xuanzang, which kind of ties into The Young Hunters Who Leapt Through Time's odd Journey to the West theme that I managed to completely miss the first time I watched, possibly due to the fact that the writers kept forgetting about it.

Just - god, who thought this was a good idea.

5. Digmon.

If Cho-Hakkaimon is ridiculous and slightly creepy, then Digmon is just bland. 

02's armour digivolutions were all fairly uninspired, but Digmon pretty easily takes the prize for the most phoned in one, being a kind of dull yellow bug with some drills haphazardly glued on. 

What am I even meant to say about him. He's so forgettable that I'll probably forget about him entirely the moment I move onto the next section of this editorial.

Also, 'Digmon', really? That's what we're going with. Fine, your choice.

4. Kumamon.

You know, I've spent twenty minutes trying to put my revulsion for this design into words and I can't.

But just - just look. Looking alone will show you what I mean. 

3. Splashmon.

Splashmon has a little big of an advantage over the three entries preceding him, in that he's been drawn in this pretty promotional image style that makes him look a lot better designed than he actually is. But don't be fooled: He is, in essence, a man wearing spandex, with a lot of zippers, and very glossy water-hair. He looks like he was designed by Tetsuya Nomura on an off day.

Here, it might be more obvious with a different picture.

See how silly that looks? This guy is a major villain and he looks like a rejected Dragonball Z antagonist, and the series he's in doesn't help him any by having him literally bulk up to become huge and grotesquely muscled when he's fighting (like a rejected Dragonball Z antagonist) and having his primary power set be flinging different coloured globules of water at people.

(Also, 'Splashmon'? Really? That might be worse than 'Digmon'.)

He does apparently have another form, though, a true form, so maybe that will be bette - ...

I don't know why I bother, I really don't.

2. Shoutmon X7.

What am I even looking at?

This is the king of overdesigned monstrosities, a mess of colour and shapes so disparate and convoluted that I actually can't figure out which part of it I'm meant to be focusing on. It doesn't look like it can move. It looks like it should collapse under its own weight. There are heads and limbs protruding everywhere. It's a total mess and it actually hurts to look at.

The basic principle behind the Shoutmon line is that they're all meant to look like Sentai giant mecha and tie into one big toy-line where you can fold various Digimon up and attach them all together to create the monstrosities seen in the series. That's - I mean, that's a thing. But at this point, not only has it gone too far, I'm pretty sure it's broken its own rules by adding extra parts on, because it wasn't complicated enough for some reason.

Continuing in the theme of awful names, 'Shoutmon' is a pretty terrible one.

1. Arresterdramon.

Arresterdramon, whose name is also ridiculous, somehow manages to be both horrendously overdesigned and incredibly visually boring, and it's at this point that I want to point out that not only did someone have to design this awkward looking, bland, vaguely dragon-shaped blob, but someone had to approve it. People had to animate it. Did nobody stop and go 'Actually, this looks awful. This is - this is the worst.'

Arresterdramon - who appears in every episode of The Young Hunters Who Leapt Through Time and has about sixteen variations, all massively generic and yet somehow all horribly overcomplicated - even gets an upgraded form at one point, with a flashy transformation sequence. It looks nigh on identical, except it has giant ugly butterfly wings, because that's what this design was really missing.

... Ugh.

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