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Sunday, 26 April 2015

Murphy Talks About 2015's Upcoming Films (or some of them, at least).

Murphy Talks About 2015's Upcoming Films
(or some of them, at least).

I just got back from watching Age of Ultron, but rather than talk about it and potentially spoil people who may not have seen it due to scheduling conflicts, lack of time, lack of inclination, or happening to live somewhere that usually gets entertainment first and usually proceeds to gleefully spoil everybody else, I’m going to talk about the previews instead, because I have Views.
(The cinema was packed, by the way, which is pretty shocking for my local cinema, which usually has about six people in it at any given time.)

Pixels: Real question, why is Adam Sandler still around? I don’t mean that in the sense of ‘why does he still have a career’, I mean ‘why do we permit him to live amongst us as if he’s a person’, because I’ve never once in my life met someone who isn’t at least distantly disdainful of the man. It says something really quite terrible and transgressive that I've met people who think Piers Morgan is a fair and balanced newsman, but nobody who would engage Adam Sandler in a conversation without taking a bath afterwards.
Pixels is about the world being invaded by 1980s arcade games, and the trailer has everything you would expect from a film primarily trying to cash in on the ‘geeky baby boomer’ demographic: Extremely outdated humour, jokes that basically consist of saying a video game's name, 'har har women don't play video games har har' jokes that are sure to have GamerGaters furiously pruning their roosters in the pews, and casual racism.
Outstanding, good, great, well done you. I'll be sure to really quite resolutely ignore that film when it comes out, something that the majority of people have already got a head start on by virtue of not even knowing this film exists.

Spooks -The Greater Good-: I hadn't heard of this film either, which is a shame, because I quite liked Spooks, in the way that one might like a slightly nasally cousin who's also a dachshund. This film sees Kit Harington, aka Jon Snow, chasing Elyes Gabel, aka Rakharo, with the help of Lara Pulver, aka Elissa Forrester, because the UK has about twenty actors and they've all been in Game of Thrones or associated merchandise.
For those who don't know, Spooks (titled MI-5 in North America because old white Southerners have never met a word they didn't want to turn into a racial slur) was a long-running BBC series about MI5, the national counter-intelligence and security service, usually focusing on Sir Harry Pierce and his running series of proteges, all of whom die horribly, so let's just say Kit's chances of making it out of this film alive and with all his limbs is slim to none. While Spooks started off with an almost comedic tone, with early episodes trying to balance drama with wacky spy hijinks, it very rapidly veered into dark territory and proceeded to stay there, repeating the same 'there's a conspiracy in the British government' plotline over and over again, for nearly a decade.
In this film, Harry has gone on the run, and it's up to his newest protege to clear his name and catch a dangerous terrorist, and discover a conspiracy within the British government, because of course. Wouldn't want to break a winning formula there, would we now? 
I won't be watching this in cinemas, because I used to struggle to get through even an episode of Spooks, let alone an entire film.

Man Up: Yet another film I've heard nothing about, and the fact that all of these films have caught me completely off guard may be making you doubt my decision to go into entertainment journalism, Man Up is a romantic comedy about - something? The trailer really didn't make it clear, being a confusing grab-bag of cliches. There's a man played by Simon Pegg who - something? And a woman played by Lake Bell who has a very large family, and for some reason she doesn't want this date that she went on to go well because of reasons? And they meet on a blind date?
What am I meant to say about this film? It's there. People are talking. Presumably music swells dramatically at some point. The trailer didn't really tell me much, and if it did, I certainly don't remember what it was.
It's not that I don't like romantic comedies - I do. It's just that I like them as something I accidentally catch on television as a happy surprise, and thus don't have to spend money on ever.

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