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Wednesday, 24 September 2014

Editorial: Ten Anime Murphy Definitely Won't Be Reviewing This Fortnight.

Ten Anime Murphy Definitely Won't Be Reviewing This Fortnight.

I'm reviewing a lot of anime this fortnight. Perils of the end of the summer anime season.

Okay, five, I'm reviewing five. Also, two tokusatsu series. Also, one Objectified Scotsman Drama. Given that I do six reviews a week, only five of which are open slots right now, that's still quite a lot.

So, in celebration of the one day for the next two weeks that I don't have something planned for, here's the ten anime I definitely won't be reviewing this fortnight.

Break Blade.

This was only on last anime season, yet already does it fade from my memory. What would I even say about it, guys. When I get the chance to review something that's aggressively bad, like anything written by Andy McNab, I whoop for joy, because bad things are interesting to write about.

You know what's not interesting to write about? Boring things. There are only so many different ways you can sigh about how there's absolutely nothing noteworthy about a thing, and there is absolutely nothing noteworthy about Break Blade. It's not even decently middle of the road bland, it's like someone took something that was middle of the road bland, washed it in beige, set it in a bloody desert of all places, and then imported the plot from that far-too-long arc of Digimon Frontier in which the kids are just getting beaten every single episode in more or less the same ways.

It's that dull. There are weekly twenty minute gaps missing from my memory from that time, guys.

Gekkan Shoujo no Nozaki-kun.

I do, in fact, mean to watch this and review it. It looks funny, interesting, well-animated and generally like a good twelve episodes of fun, and I'm always down for that. It's just not going to happen this week or next, because marathoning twelve episodes of an anime all at once is going to end in disaster, especially when I'm already busy these two weeks.

Look out for a review of this in the not-too-distant-future, though.

DRAMAtical Murder.

I tried, guys, I really did. The promise of murder, cyberpunk, and the heaving bodies of nubile young men, their eyes lidded with heady desire – all these things made me think 'Hey, DRAMAtical Murder, that'd be fun to watch.' It wasn't fun to watch. It was really boring, I didn't even get to the second episode.

How does an opening episode manage to have that focused a concentration of nothing? You should be brimming over with stuff! Murder! Romance! Romantic murder! Drama! But the only thing I took away from the first episode was that the main character is very sensitive about his sensitive hair, and also quite boring.

Maybe one day I'll go back and watch it. I won't, though, I'm just saying that, I will never go back and watch any of it. Ever.

Princess Tutu.

I actually thought I had already reviewed this, but it looks increasingly like I didn't.

I should get on that.

Naruto Shippuden.

Whenever I think about watching Naruto, I see just how many episodes it has, and my heart is gripped with terror. In my youth, I might have marathoned it in a matter of days. Now, though, I just sit and decide that there is absolutely no way that I will be able to watch all of it. It would take me years. Around me, generations of my family would rise, grow to the winter of their lives, and die. Civilisations would fall and spring up about me. Still I would watch a poorly animated orange ninja being the least stealthy person in all of anime.

How do people do it? How do people manage to wade their way through it?

Akame ga Kill.

I will review this at some point, but it turns out it's not actually split course, so expect that review at the end of the Autumn season of anime. Wait, did I refer to it as 'Fall' earlier on? I need to go check that, that cannot be allowed to stand.

Tokyo Ghoul.

Again, something I do plan to watch, sooner rather than later.

I watched the first episode, and while it was undeniably beautifully animated with a very interesting premise, I could quite sustain my interest in it. But that's not unusual: I struggled with keeping up my interest levels in the first episode of Argevollen, too, and I enjoyed that once I managed to push on with it.

Tokyo Ghoul seems to be pretty adored by fans, and there's usually – not always, but usually – a good reason for that, because despite what certain people will tell you, people aren't mindless sheep who will enjoy anything you put in front of them. I'd be a fool not to go back and check it out again at some point.

So while I'm not promising a review of this, I'll definitely try. Just not in these two weeks. Seriously, I do not have the time to marathon an anime. I'm not even sure if it's finishing this season.

Sacred Seven.

Does anyone remember Sacred Seven? Probably not, it wasn't very good. The story of a young man named Alma Tendouji who becomes a gemstone powered henshin hero with the help of his tiny and horrifyingly young looking love interest, Sacred Seven was the kind of aggressive mediocrity that sapped my energy even while I was watching it, and which makes the prospect of trying to rewatch it to write a review on it about as appealing as goring myself on the antlers of a wild moose.

But you know, it did have a great soundtrack. In the last episode, as Alma fights the giant diamond final boss, a lovely piano version of the theme tune plays, and I've never been able to find that. If you know where to find it, please say so in the comments, and if you've successfully found it for me, I will do a review of your choice. That's how much I want to listen to it: Enough to write for an hour or so.

If that's not commitment, then what is. What is.

Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann.

I saw a really good AMV for this once. After that, I'm just not sure the actual series can live up to it.

Here's the AMV, by the way:

The Irregular at Magic High School.

This is another one that I kind of considered watching and then didn't. I might in future, but it's not as set in stone as the other two I-sorta-almost-watched ones on this list. From what I gather, Irregular is a pretty safe, middle of the road, predictable fare, and while that's fun enough if it's done well, it's not going to be on top of my list of priorities unless it's a very slow season for anime this Autumn.

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